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New Year’s

2014 Goals

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It’s that time of the year again – well, it was that time of year again a few weeks ago – but close enough, where I sit down and think of things that I want to accomplish in the next year. I have thought about this topic quite a bit actually, even before the calendar flipped over to the new year. It’s sort of anxiety inducing but at the same time, it’s nice to have a list to look at and cross some things off. Resolutions have never really been my thing, as like most people, I find that they are hard to keep. There has been one major huge gigantic mega goal that I have been able to come up with that will definitely be a challenge to obtain, but will be totally worth it… Ready?


Now to some people this may not seem like much of a stretch – but let me elaborate. It’s about to get all kinds of personal up in here. A few years ago during a traumatic break-up, I decided that I needed to seek out the help of a therapist. I have always battled with depression, but I hit a pretty low low and knew that I could no longer deal with my issues myself because my current coping was not working for me.

I was diagnosed with depression (shocker! hah) and as a co-dependent. Talk about an eye opening experience. When I thought of co-dependency I always thought it meant that I was dependent on others to do things for me and make me happy. In a way this is true, but it is pretty much the exact opposite. I only feel happy when making others happy. Whether it means that I sacrifice my own happiness, money, time, etc. to do it that is how I feel happy, and when those people betray me, my brain cannot wrap around why they would do that because of everything that I feel that I have done for them – which they may have not even felt like what I was doing was out of the way for me.

A light went on. And it was actually kind of refreshing to know that there was a method to my madness. I have been making myself miserable for years under the guise of feeling happy that I was helping others who either a) never asked to be helped b) don’t appreciate the help c) never knew how I felt. Breaking the habit of co-dependency is a horrible feeling. I am by nature a people pleaser, a yes (wo)man, and apparently have no backbone. I have a hard time saying no and this usually gets abused. When I was in therapy I had to make a list of things that week that I either said no to or that I was doing for myself. It was hard in the beginning, but after a while, it started to feel really good.

It was nice to know that my friends wouldn’t hate me, or hell, even think differently of me if I said no to something. Work did not reprimand me for saying no either – the world kept spinning, and nothing catastrophic happened. I started to feel better, and really empowered by my new found ability to say no. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still selfless – I volunteer with a non-profit, I help friends in need, etc. etc. but I would look at things in a different way. Am I doing this because the person is asking for help or am I doing this because I feel compelled to help them to make me feel happy?

Flash forward a year or two – I am falling back into my old ways. I have become complacent about my own happiness again and its really starting to wear on me. So my goal this year is to make me happy. Do things that I want to do. Go places I want to go. Accomplish things I want to accomplish. Not steamrolling others in the process, but not putting too much stock into how I think they will feel – when in reality I have no idea. I am paralyzing myself and my dreams because of how I think others will perceive what I am doing as selfish instead of either a) having faith that the friends that I have will respect my choices and encourage me or b) associating with people who only use me for my inability to say no.

I am on the cusp of turning 30 – and feel like I have accomplished more for others than I have myself, so this is a year of change. Wish me luck.

Oh and I also want to: finish a half marathon, run a half marathon at Disneyland, get rid of my storage unit, thin out my possessions, read 30 books, blog more on here and Spoil your Dinner, pay down my debt even more, save to move out, buy a new car, create something every week, make a new friend (or friends!), get my memorial tattoo on my leg, try one new food a month, and keep in better contact with my friends.

26 January, 2014

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a great new years! Mine consisted of tacos and French fries and a movie, super crazy night I know. I actually really enjoyed the low key evening while letting the crazies do their thing. I’m not one for resolutions and what not but the last few days I have been thinking about my goals for the new year. What do you want to do this year?

1 January, 2013

2012 in review…

Hello dollfaces! It’s been a hot minute since I have had the chance to sit down and update my lovely little blog. There has been a ton going on in life, which I will touch on soon. I hope everyone had an incredible Christmas, and I can’t believe that it’s New Year’s Eve! So instead of rambling on about what’s going on, I’m going to take this time tonight to look back on some moments from the past year.


1 – One of the first pictures of me earlier this year in January.
2 – Did a ton of dancing at Asylum, which I so lovingly called my $4 therapy session. Barcode shut down in January and Asylum moved to The Park.
3 – I attended Baconfest with friends and had my first maple bacon donut from Doughbots here in Sacramento.
4 – Started hitting the gym to burn off some feelings instead of eating them.


5 – Spent a lot of time at parks on the swings.
6 – Dug out my old Game Boy and started playing some old games.
7 – Finally moved my bed out of my closet.
8 – Something died in the wall at work and we tore the office apart trying to find exactly where. We were unsuccessful.


9 – I had some really blue hair for a while.
10 – Richard and I went to Knotts Berry Farm after foiled plans to go to Disneyland.
11 – Despite the minor hiccup, we did spend 2 days at Disneyland and it was one of the major highlights of my year.
12 – We also hit the Santa Monica Aquarium and saw a bunch of awesome creatures that had been right under my nose for the 14 years that I lived in the area.


13 – In March I also took a pole dancing class which ran into April. I had never been more bruised and banged up in my entire life. I also felt myself getting stronger, but ultimately had to quit because it’s freaking expensive.
14 – I made this fancy pants Easter basket for Richard.
15 – We visited my parents and had a chance to show Richard my Dad’s studio.
16 – I packed up my toy collection due to lack of space.


17 – My hair grew exceptionally long.
18 – I worked a few shows that I actually enjoyed the music that was being played.
19 – I changed my name to apron according to Starbucks.
20 – I found this pallet at work and it worked perfectly to display my toy collection.


21 – Hung out with friends and kicked serious laser tag ass.
22 – Played at more parks.
23 – Started really getting into The Guild and comic books.
24 – I also tried my hand at painting.


25 – Played lots of video games to win tickets for junk.
26 – My roommate is engaged and we celebrated in Reno, NV in June and had a nice shower for her that I designed the laminates for in July.
27 – Richard and I bought an arsenal of fireworks and had a great time with friends in the driveway.
28 – A friend left for med school and we had a great time at her going away party and her now fiance’s parents house.


29 – In need of a change, I cut 14 inches off my hair. It still feels weird.
30 – Finally saw Iron Maiden in concert. AMAZING.
31 – Worked Outside Lands in San Francisco and had a great time.
32 – I was a bridesmaid for the first time for my roommate.


33 – Started to try to enjoy reading.
34 – Richard and I went to Effie Yaw and threw rocks in the water.
35 – More comic books and video games passed through my hands.
36 – Spent more time outside.


37 – Tried my hand at fancy nails that I saw on Pinterest.
38 – Spent a lot of time hanging out with a handsome fella named Midnight.
39 – Moved out of my old place and put a bunch of my belongings into storage.
40 – Started a new blog that took off.


41 – Found out that this cat has extraordinary skills.
42 – Blogged lots about food.
43 – Started writing to my best friend.
44 – Had an amazing Thanksgiving feast with my parents.


45 – Lost my job for the first time. (Hopefully the only time)
46 – Started taking an online class.
47 – Christmas!
48 – Had to put this sweet boy down way too soon.

Here’s looking to 2013 – please be safe tonight if you plan on going out!

31 December, 2012